


Cracked and Broken Beyond Repair

by mlb



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Daddy Kink, Humor, M/M, everyone is cracked, im sorry, so cracked
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-12
Updated: 2014-05-12
Packaged: 2018-01-24 12:52:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1605842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mlb/pseuds/mlb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam put his dick in Dean's ass and Dean started crying (aka a typical day in the bunker).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cracked and Broken Beyond Repair

**Author's Note:**

  * For [phantasme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantasme/gifts).



> this is the lovechild of 0 sleep and a bio exam you have been warned

Sam put his dick in Dean's ass and Dean started crying. 

"I'm not gay, Sam!" he sobbed, collapsing onto the bed. Sam could feel himself deflating (tears are a major turn off during sex) so he pulled out to sit on the bed next to his brother. 

"Listen, whore," he said comfortingly. "We've been over this. You're not only gay, but you're gay for your little brother. Deal." 

Dean only cried harder, shoulders shaking as huge manly sobs wracked his body.

"But Sammy," he wailed. "What would Dad say?" 

Sam thought for a moment. This was quite a valid concern, and one that Dean had never voiced before. Sam finally came up with a solution.

"Dad would say he wants it too," he replied confidently. Dean stopped crying and looked at Sam, bewildered. 

"Sam, no," he retorted. 

"Sam, yes. I'm your daddy now," Sam whispered fiercely. "And daddy wants it too."

Dean stared at Sam for a solid five minutes. During this time, Sam took the opportunity to grab more lube from the secret compartment under the floorboards. Dean had insisted they keep it there so Castiel wouldn't find it and try to eat it. 

"So, Dean," Sam said conversationally after Dean's five minutes were up, twirling the bottle of lube between his fingers. He slid back on the bed. "Have you decided to accept Daddy as your Lord and Savior?" 

Dean blinked. "Cas is my Lord and Savior already," he began slowly, weighing each word. "But I accept you as my Daddy." 

"Hallelujah!" screamed Sam, throwing his arms up and squeezing the bottle of lube so that it anointed Dean's face. 

"Praise Cas," Dean whispered fervently, crossing himself and silently thanking Castiel for his new Daddy. Sam grabbed Dean's hips and was about to slide back in dry when Cas popped into the room seemingly out of nowhere and stood on the bed beside them. 

"Sam," he greeted Sam. 

"Dean," he greeted Dean. 

He squinted at them both, taking in the alignment of Sam's dick with Dean's ass.

"Sam, you need lube," he observed keenly, reaching down to smear the anointing lube off Dean's face and onto Sam's dick. 

"Thanks, Cas! You really saved my ass," Dean beamed up at him. Castiel nodded curtly and gave a salute, leaving drops of lube in his sex hair, making it well-prepared sex hair. 

"See, I told you you didn't need to hide the lube from Cas," Sam muttered into Dean's ear. "He knows how it's used." 

The brothers then proceeded to watch Castiel shove his entire lube-covered fist in his mouth. 

"That's actually really impressive," Dean whispered. 

"All hail Cas," Sam agreed quietly. 

When his fist was clean, every trace of lube gone, Castiel pulled it out of his mouth and studied his spit-slicked hand, reading in it the secrets of the cosmos. 

"That shit is hella nasty," he confided. "Thou shalt not eat lube." 

"Amen," Sam and Dean replied in unison, crossing themselves. 

"You are dismissed," Castiel declared. 

"But this is our bedroom," Sam said. 

Castiel looked at them. He looked at them for so long that Sam's dick deflated again and Dean finally tugged him towards the door. 

"Let's fuck in the kitchen, Daddy," Dean suggested as he walked towards the door, giving two enthusiastic thumbs up to himself because his ideas were always ace. 

When he turned back to look as Cas a final time, he found that His Holiness was still standing on the bed, staring at them. He hurried Sam out the door faster and slammed it as quickly as he could. Little nerdy Lord and Savior dude was such a creep sometimes. Dean wasn't sure why they made sixteen sacrifices to him a day. 

Without warning, Sam scooped Dean up by his thighs and began carrying him towards the kitchen. Dean yelped and flung his arms around his brother's neck, squeezing as hard as he could because it was his first reflex as a child and he's never trained himself out of it. Only Dean knows how Mary really died. 

"Dean," Sam gagged, knees giving out as he stepped through the final doorway to the kitchen. "Release, son!" 

Dean immediately dropped his arms and backflipped out of Sam's grip, because when it came to his daddy he was an overachiever. 

"Can you fuck me now, Daddy," Dean begged, sprawling on the floor in his most submissive position. 

"What the fuck," said a tired voice from behind them, tiredly. 

Sam whirled around as Dean got to his knees and barked. 

"Oh, sup Kevin," he smirked, jerking his chin at the highly intelligent Asian. Dean panted on the floor and butted Sam's leg with his head. 

"What the fuck," Kevin said again, scrubbing at his face as if to erase the scene before him. 

"Me and Daddy are gonna fuck," Dean said helpfully, still repeatedly butting his head against Sam's leg. 

"What the fuck," Kevin said a final time, before turning around and walking back the way he came. 

He had been living with the Winchesters for a year now and he still didn't understand their way of life. He didn't understand why he always heard Dean crying in their bedroom or why they worshipped the tax accountant who walked around their house like he paid rent. Seriously, he wasn't even holy, he picked the lock on their front door every goddamn day and jerked off in Sam and Dean's bed. And he demanded a sacrifice of sixteen olives every day. Kevin wanted "what the fuck" carved into his gravestone. He was going back to bed. 

Meanwhile, Dean decided that the kitchen was too clean to fuck in and so decided to take things down under. 

"Not Australia, Daddy," he reassured Sam. He knew that he would get sunburnt and then Sam wouldn't be able to play connect the dots with his freckles during foreplay anymore. 

"Good boy," Sam praised as he patted Dean's head, allowing his brother to drag him downstairs to the basement. Dean howled to announce their arrival to the house's final occupant. 

"Hello, boys," Crowley said in that sexy demonic accent of his, sending shivers down Sam and Dean's spines. "Come to release me?" 

"As if!" Sam snorted. 

"Me and Daddy are gonna fuck," Dean put in, jumping up and down excitedly. "And you're gonna watch." 

"I thought you said you were above torture," Crowley groaned, attempting to cover his eyes before realizing that his hands were still bound, like they had been for several weeks now. 

"We are above torture. That's in the lower level of the basement," Dean informed him. 

"If I watch will you release me?" Crowley inquired hopefully. 

"Of course not," Sam replied. "We like your accent too much." 

"Wait," Crowley stared at the brothers. "You're only holding me in here because you like my accent? Not because I'm a demon?" 

"You're not a demon," Dean laughed, slapping his knee. "Daddy, he thinks he's a demon!" 

Sam chuckled, punching Crowley in the face with humor. "You're one weird little dude, Crow-man!" 

"How dare you kidnap the King of Hell!” Crowley shrieked. “I'm going to rip your faces off and feed them to wendigos and then leave the rest of you for rougarous!"

"LOL, what are those, cat breeds," Dean wheezed in between giggles. 

"King of Hell, more like King of Hell," Sam yelled. 

He and Dean continued cackling madly as Crowley desperately cried, "But that doesn't even make sense! What the fuck!" 

Suddenly, Kevin descended into the basement as if he had been summoned and placed a t shirt on Crowley's lap. 

"What the fuck," he whispered, nodding at the t shirt before backing away into the darkness. 

Sam picked it up to show Crowley. On the front, printed in large black Times New Roman font, were the words "what the fuck" with a clip art gravestone picture beneath them. Sam turned it over to reveal the back, which had "overthrow the olive slut" printed in the same bold style. 

"This is blasphemy!" Dean screamed, falling to his knees and shielding his eyes from the monstrosity. Sam hurled the t shirt deep into the basement to leave it to rot with all the other useless junk the previous owners didn't clear out, like spell books and magic samurai swords. He then crouched beside Dean and rubbed his brother's back soothingly. 

"Shhh, Daddy's here," he hissed. Dean was always most comforted by Sam's snake impressions. It reminded him of his real father. 

"I don't feel up to fucking here anymore, Daddy. That was too traumatic," Dean sniffed, burying his face into Sam's shoulder. 

"That's okay, baby son. We'll just go back to bed. It's time for Cas' ninth sacrifice anyway." 

Dean allowed himself to be scooped up again, but this time upside down so he didn't strangle Sam like last time. 

"What about me?" Crowley demanded from behind them. 

"Just sit in the darkness here and think about where your loyalties lie," Sam ordered. "You're either with His Holiness, or you're with him in public while still mildly disappointed with him in the deepest depths of your own mind." 

Sam continued carrying Dean up the steps and Crowley heard the door shut. 

"What the—" 

"Do not finish that sentence, Crowley!" Dean screamed from somewhere upstairs.

Crowley did not finish that sentence. Fucker had ears like a bat. If Crowley didn't know better, he'd say he was living in a house with several low class demons and an Asian boy. But Crowley did know better. He knew Kevin was no boy. Kevin was a man. 

At that moment, Sam quietly opened the door to his bedroom and peered inside to check for any signs of holiness. Seeing none, he dumped Dean on the bed and looked around again. Castiel never missed a sacrifice, where was—

"Sam," a gruff voice said from under the bed. "Sacrifice." 

Sam quickly ripped open the drawer of the table beside the bed and rooted around for the jar of red olives. He made sure to keep at least one jar in every room because they never knew where Cas would turn up. 

He carefully plucked an olive from the jar and rolled it under the bed. Cas must always have his sacrifices rolled to him, and Sam must always be the one to do it. He was a champion bowler at Stanford. That's how he met all of his friends. It goes without saying that Sam doesn't have any friends. 

A slurping noise came from under the bed as Cas sucked all the life juices from the olive. Or at least that's what they assumed he did. They had never actually witnessed the consumption of the sacrifice, because it must be too awful and terrible a thing to behold. Their weak human minds would not be able to adequately perceive it. 

Cas rolled the pit back out to Sam and then wormed his way from under the bed and out the door. They could hear him doing the worm all down the hallway until he ascended back into Olive Garden. 

"Sammy," Dean croaked. "I'm tired and we haven't even gotten to the smut part."

"Damnit, Dean, I thought we were finally gonna do it," Sam sighed, exasperated.

What was he going to tell all his nonexistent friends when they inevitably asked if he had banged his brother yet? It would be so embarrassing, to still be a virgin to incest after all this time. 

But Sam looked down at his big brother, whose eyelids were drooping with exhaustion, and knew he would wait forever if he had to, because he loved Dean with all his heart, even more than he loved the olive slut. The end.


End file.
